It Is Your Wedding
One big mistake many engaged couples make is allowing others to be too involved in the process of planning their wedding. This becomes a problem when the others (mostly family & friends) who are involved have strong opinions…. which do not accurately reflect the couple. The opinions of the others may begin to influence the plans for the wedding and will likely result in a wedding which is not indicative of the tastes of the engaged couple. This blog will discuss a few ideas for how a couple can handle situations where friends or family members are trying to control the wedding plans.
Perhaps one of the most difficult wedding planning situations occurs when there is someone other than the engaged couple who is paying for the wedding. The reason why problems tend to occur in this type of situation is the friends or family members paying for the wedding, or contributing to the cost of the wedding, expect to have a say in the planning process. While it is certainly true that those paying for the wedding should have some say in matters that affect the budget, they should not expect to intrude on other aspects of the wedding planning. For example given the size of the guest list, the people paying for the wedding may rule out certain locations for the wedding because they will be too expensive. However, where two locations are priced equally, the couple should be able to decide between the locations based on their own personal preference.
Unfortunately, there are also many situations where the couple is paying for the wedding themselves but friends or family members are still intruding on the wedding planning process and trying to influence decisions. While it is easier in these cases to tell the friend or family member their opinions are not wanted than it is to do the same when the friend or family member is contributing financially it can still create problems. The friend or family member’s feelings may be hurt and it can cause a serious rift in the relationship. The best way to avoid this situation is to be clear from the start about the level of involvement you wish the individual to have in the process of planning the wedding. If this is not done and the pushiness of the friend or family member becomes a problem it is best to deal with the problem immediately rather than harboring resentment as the problem escalates.
Still another situation in which an engaged couple may feel as though the plans for their wedding are out of their control occurs when the couple hires a wedding planner who is presumptuous and makes decisions without consulting the couple. This type of situation may also occur if the couple hires a wedding planner but does not speak up about their needs, wants and expectations. This may be because the couple has a hard time speaking up, the wedding planner is overly pushy or a combination of the two. Regardless of the cause of the problem, this is one of the easiest situations to handle. This is because the couple can fire the wedding planner if things are not working out. However, sitting down with the wedding planner and discussing the issues first is idea. This way the wedding planner has the opportunity to learn what the problem is and attempt to correct the problem.
Finally, a couple should always be willing to do whatever is necessary to maintain ownership for the wedding plans if they choose to do so. This may mean making some difficult decisions but it can also greatly improve the outcome of the wedding for the engaged couple. In a case where one set of parents or both parents are contributing to the cost of the wedding and being overly pushy about decisions it may be worthwhile for the engaged couple to consider paying for the wedding themselves. The couple may not be able to have as elaborate as a wedding but in the end they will be happier with the results if they are free to make all of the decisions during the planning process than they would be if they are being influenced by others.
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