Keeping the Peace without Giving Up or Giving In
In many cases the process of planning a wedding is a lot like a marriage itself. This is because the key to a truly successful wedding is compromise. Sure there are some lucky couples who are able to pull off a wedding with very few problem and no conflicts with friends or family members. However, most couples experience at least a small degree of grief stemming from the involvement of friends or family members during the process of planning their wedding. These types of problems and disagreements usually occur when there are too many people trying to make decisions. This blog will discuss a few situations when wedding planning can get complicated and will provide a few strategies the couple can use to deal with these tricky situations.
One of the most common problems when planning a wedding occurs when the parents of the couple are planning the wedding. Traditionally, the bride’s family bears the financial burden of a wedding but in these modern times the families of grooms are beginning to share this financial responsibility. While this change has certainly made wedding planning easier from a financial standpoint, logistically it has made wedding planning much more difficult. This is because with the more traditional scenario, the bride and her family, especially the mother, would shoulder the responsibility of making most of the decisions during the process of planning the wedding. However, with the family of the groom contributing financially as well his family often feels as though they should have some input into the decision making process as well. Right away this complicates things because now there are more opinions to deal with.
The easiest way couples can avoid this problem altogether is to pay for their own wedding so no one has the right to feel as though they should be included in all decisions. This is not always ideal though because many parents want to help pay for the wedding and would be insulted if they were not allowed to do so. In the case where it is not possible to exclude the parents financially it is important to make them feel as though their input is welcomed without allowing them to dominate the decision making process. Making compromises will also be key to keeping everyone happy.
Close friends who are not involved in the wedding at all financially may sometimes also create problems. This often occurs when they assume their opinions are wanted and attempt to influence the couple in making important decisions. Close friends may make this assumption because they may have previously played a role like this in the bride or grooms life. The friend may become hurt if her suggestions are not taken and incorporated into the wedding plans. Again, prevention is the best strategy and couples would be wise to talk to close friends and family members before the wedding planning starts in earnest about the type of input they expect from them. This sets clear boundaries before things get out of control. In situations where this preventive step was not taken and a close friend has assumed her input will be appreciated the couple will need to make some decisions. Since this is a close friend the couple will obviously not want to exclude the individual completely but they will want to steer the friend towards decisions which are not major. For example a bride may ask her best friend to assist in making decisions such as choosing a nail color or the wrapping paper for the favor. This will help the friend to feel included in the plans but the decisions made on these issues do not significantly impact the overall appearance of the wedding.
Wedding planners are hired to make life easier for the couple but in some cases they can wind up making things more difficult. In particular if the wedding planner is overly pushy and does not truly listen to the couple important decisions can be made in a way that does not please the couple. Instead of allowing the wedding planner to continue making inappropriate decisions the couple should meet with her to discuss these issues, make changes to decisions that have already been made and plan to avoid similar problems with future decisions. If problems continue to occur after this type of frank discussion it is time to find a new wedding planner who will be accommodating to the couple. (Hint hint… try CRW Events)
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